If the 300 Spartans were made of Ground Beef...

The Great Burger Wars of 2009 have produced legions of ground beef centurions who have waged a pitch battle over the gullets of our fair city. It started with arsenals of Tuna Burgers and Tofu Burgers and escalated into cavalries wielding such exotic weaponry as fried eggs, foie gras, crispy onions, corned beef and even the occasional cranberry something or other. The Knights of the Patty gutted, garroted, and grilled one another across the barren battlefield of our fair city, while a stunned populous gaped at the carnage.

Through the fog and the horror of war there stood one young warrior, one champion of the people, whose purity and deliciousness shone forth from the murky haze of the ruthless savagery. Born of hearty peasant stock, this Avatar of Americana bore only the humble arms of mushrooms, bacon, caramelized onions, and cheese. This was the ALFA BURGER who, through the simplest of means, would liberate the beleaguered peasantry from the attrition of the Knights of the Patty, and the gruesome gloom of the Great Burger War.

So since you can only put one burger in your face at a time, why not make it an ALFA BURGER.